ctmanneedsanswers's Blog

A sudden change!!!

My wife had a TBL surgery in October of 2006. Things seemed fine after the surgery, but in March of 2007 she suddenly snapped into a rage over something quite small. I didn't know what was happening to her at the time, but I did see that as unusual behavior for her.Since the rage she began to withdraw, then some questionable behaviors began to surface. She suddenly stopped communicating with me, would not come home until very late, and became distant with the children and I. Pointing these things out to her only made the behaviors worse. Next she began to tell me how she wanted a seperation and divorce. She also talked about just leaving and did abandon the family on three different occasions. Once for a weekend, next for a week and then for one month. She's been home since but her behaviors have only worsened. What makes matters even more complicated is the group of women she has alligned herself with (mostly divorcees and women with marital problems) who don't understand what shes going through but is agreeing with her that the problem is me; as she dredges up lots of past hurts shes had from her first marriage and other negative incidents from the past. I was determined to find the answer to her sudden change. I know this wonderful and loving woman better than anyone, we've been married for 17 years and we have three wonderful children. But the woman I live with now is not the same person. There has been a total change. Upon researching on line, I found everal sites which interest me and the comments made by different women supported what I was experiencing with my wife. I purchased a book on Post TBL Syndrome and it did provide alot of the answers to the questions that I had. My wife, on the other hand, although she shows all of the symptoms listed in materials I've researched, wants nothing to do with the information and is in denial. This PTLS thing has been quite difficult for my children and I, and has caused major rifts in our relationship. Our friends have even taken sides expecting a divorce. I haven't given up on her or our marriage. It's now 2009 and has just been difficult living day to day whith her in denial of her condition and experiencing the ongoing psychological and emotional conflicts that she puts us through. Help! Anyone out there with answers to this please tell me what I can do in addition to praying (which I've been doing not stop). I understand that the first thing is for her to get out of this denial stage and begin dealing with this as something she has to confront.